Now Hiring: Prime Minister of Australia Applicants should have extensive experience in the public service or private enterprise, exceptional spoken and written language skills, a genuine interest in, and thorough knowledge of, current affairs, economics, history, statecraft and philosophy, be an eloquent speaker, and be an earnest and empathetic individual of outstanding moral character. However, we will settle for applicants who have a pulse. You will report to Her Excellency the Governor General, the people of Australia, backbenchers, the Leader of the Opposition, faceless men, and Alan Jones. You will be expected to manage a large team of experienced senior executives, each with varying responsibilities and capabilities, and proven track records. Wayne Swan will also be there. Under your leadership, this team will be required to manage both domestic and foreign policy (preferably with occasional successes). You will move Australia forward and build our future whilst giving working families a fair go, protecting our borders and building an economy that is the envy of the world by ensuring our environment is preserved for future generations and stopping the boats, whilst upholding our humanitarian responsibilities to the traditional owners of the land. In addition, your office will be staffed by a team of dedicated and competent casuals and volunteers. Note that these groups are separate; the dedicated individuals are not competent, and the competent individuals are not dedicated. Your tenure will be subject to periodic review by the populace, to be held at 3-year intervals or at the Governor-General’s pleasure. Your appointment will also be subject to the ongoing support of three unpopular men from the bush, and following a 3 month probation period your performance will be assessed in the latest Newspoll. You may at times be required to work longer than the specified 38 hour work week; however, this should not be too inconvenient as the position is expected to be temporary. Click 'Apply Now' for preliminary screening questions
1. Do you have an opposition to gay marriage on the basis of political convenience? Yes/No2. Do you have a physical characteristic that would make you easily identifiable in satirical cartoons? Yes/No3. Do you believe that most problems in Australia can be solved with mindless negativity? Yes/No4. Will you give working families a fair shake of the sauce bottle? Yes/No5. Are you Wayne Swan? Yes/No
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